Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. I'm your Dungeon Master, Russ More. He, him, also with me today is Amy More.
Yeah, she, her, and I will be playing Sullivan Sleight. He, him.
And Carla Maxted.
She, her, I will be playing Neroxious Akra, better known as Glim, also she, her.
And Tom Laird.
Yeah, that's me. He, him. I am playing Moot, who also goes with he, him as his pronouns.
It's been so long since I've just introduced the four of us that I feel like there should be more, but there is more.
There's people in the audience. There's our patrons who we're doing this show for tonight.
And we're so happy that you're here, everybody.
That's my crowd sound.
Chat's lightened up. If you're just joining us, I think I saw Lindsey sneak in there.
Yeah, give us a woohoo.
Woohoo, that's right. You all helped us reach 90 patrons, and we're above 90 patrons now.
So another woohoo. And we said we'd throw a live show, and that's what we're doing here.
So we came with zero ideas.
Which is unusual.
Yeah, usually there's one.
Why? Is Lindsey bullying us already?
Yeah, 100% Lindsey's bullying us.
Jedi Bride is telling us to talk faster.
Oh no, double speed.
I will go Gilmore Girls on your ass.
I'm very curious.
But what we've done tonight is, because it's an improv show, we came with all of the ideas of the big old zero, big old goose eggs.
So you're going to provide us with the ideas as we ask for them, and we're going to set up something.
And hopefully, I'm trying to do double speed. It's a lot of work.
It's hard.
God, you know, when you hit now half speed, Russ.
Go.
No, it rubs me wrong. Don't do it.
Yeah, fair.
So how do we do this?
Well, when you go to an improv show, they usually ask for a few things off the top.
Like, we're going to ask for a setting.
Where can Moot, Glim, and Sully be hanging out?
Give me a location.
I got island, chocolate fountain.
It's got to be a big chocolate fountain if we're all hanging out there.
I don't know if chocolate fountain is a location.
It's so specific.
Well, not with that attitude.
I'm so sorry.
Fair. Specificity is hilarious.
Barber shop, cave castle.
Banshee castle.
Love this.
All right.
Somebody's got to pick one.
Oh, I thought you are choosing.
Why am I choosing?
I'm doing nothing today.
Obviously.
Tree house.
Okay.
We're in a tree house.
Got it.
Perfect.
And we're going to fill an hour in a tree house.
All right.
I'm going to ride down.
Hold on.
We have to share in the tree house.
We can move to a secondary location, can't we?
No, we can't.
No, we're stuck in the tree house for the next hour.
What if the Banshee castle is outside and the chocolate fountain is outside?
What if we're at the circus and there's a tree house there?
Exactly.
What if the chocolate fountain and the Banshee castle are one and the same?
Oh, that's fierce.
Okay.
So we've got a whole bunch of great suggestions there for several.
Let's pair it back to tree house.
It's a tree house pub.
Oh, okay.
I like that.
It's a pub named the tree house or it's a pub named the tree house.
It's a pub named the tree house or it's a pub in the trees.
Both.
Oh, all right.
Yes.
Also seems really dangerous.
Let's get these folks drunk 20 feet in the air.
Is there like a spiral staircase around or just a ladder?
Because one of those seems...
It's one of those rope bridges that you...
There's no like actual bottom though.
There's just like the one plank in the middle and you have to like...
Got it.
We're doing it.
We're building the world together, everybody.
That's what it's all about.
We need a problem.
What's the problem that Mook, Glim, and Sully have been hired to accomplish or defeat?
I don't know if we are...
I mean...
Or create...
For professional pranksters, it might be the first part.
Rats out of the basement, rats in the plumbing.
Oh, it's in the plumbing.
Double rats right off the top.
Yeah.
Acquired cheese puffs, tooth cavities.
Tooth cavities.
Been hitting that chocolate fountain pretty hard.
What a thrilling adventure if we all just sit in dentist chairs for an hour.
In the treehouse.
This is a horror podcast now for some people.
Someone has been pickle jinxed and you have to answer a riddle to free them.
I mean, I do not know what pickle jinxed means.
It doesn't matter.
We make it up as we go.
Inhaled nitrous splinters in sacks.
Snacks.
An important N.
Wow.
And there's a very important N in that.
Right.
You're upsetting the listeners.
Pub trivia themed with Bahamut.
Oh, boy.
I feel like our team's a ringer.
Well.
Yeah.
I mean, I did like splinters in sacks.
Oh, boy.
No maze, Stan.
Get out of here with your maze suggestions.
Maze in the bathroom.
Then we really are never leaving this treehouse.
No.
And I'll pee wherever.
I think I really like the pickle jinxed.
You have to answer a riddle to free them.
There's a lot of other good things in here.
Oh, I just saw a pancake making contest.
You have been booked as entertainment for a kid's party.
Oh, God.
Like by accident.
And who hired them to break this riddle to un-pickle jinx somebody?
Uzumaki.
The local librarian.
Kermit Von Vomit.
Carl.
Sean texted me just before.
He said, have a great night, everybody.
I said, you'd better show up.
And he didn't.
So that's on him.
Big cucumber lobby.
I love it.
Because of the pickle jinx.
I like it a lot.
I do, too.
Government lobbyists for big cucumber.
OK, I like a big cucumber lobby.
And I also like Kermit Von Vomit.
I do, too.
Me, too.
I hope Kermit Von Vomit is the head of the cucumber lobby.
The other one I had down here was, we know Mooklem and Sully are playing.
But did you want me to tag along as an NPC?
And if so, what NPC do you want me to play?
Oh, we already got a shout out for Hilla.
That was a quick, you had that one in the king.
And then a yes and a no immediately.
Yes, no.
OK.
Perfect.
Black Knight's cousin, Maurice.
Well, I mean, there's a Hilla, there's a Hilla.
There's been two Hilla's.
There's a yes, there's a get out of here, Russ.
There's a flame of kids.
All valid options.
There is no wrong answer.
Except for there is one wrong answer.
And you know what that one is.
There it is.
Sully, you got it.
You found it.
Oh.
OK.
We have a location with a tree house.
We have a problem.
Somebody's been pickle jinxed.
And we have to answer a riddle to save them.
They've been hired by the head of the big cucumber
lobby known as Kermit Von Vomit.
And we're going to see this scene.
Ready?
I mean, obviously not.
But go ahead.
I'm so ready.
Fuck it.
Let's play.
Before us.
It's a wonderful sunny day.
There's birds chirping, tweetily deet.
The sun is shining bright.
Everybody's having a wonderful time
as they walk up to this massive tree house
in the middle of this huge field.
It's built within this old oak tree
with this winding staircase that spins around it.
You see rope bridges high above
and like fireman poles that come down from the top.
But not like in the tree, but on the outside of the tree
because it's partial amusement park as well.
Obviously.
Moot, Glim, and Sully have strode up.
They have a letter in their hand
that has directed them to this tree house.
Sully opens it up and reads it aloud.
Moot, can I just...
Can I...
Listen, just because it's written down
doesn't mean that you automatically get to have it.
So if I could just take a look, can I...
Yeah, no problem.
If you have any problem, there's some big words in there.
So if you have any problem, just let me or Glim know
and we'll help you out.
Wow, shots fired.
We've got to get some food in that guy
because honestly, that was...
Well, I get a little hangry
and it has been a while since lunch.
You're being kind of a bitch right now.
I'm not going to lie to you.
All right, okay.
This is really fancy.
It's got some super...
Look at that.
Do you see that wax seal?
Oh, yes, it's very official.
What's the symbol in the wax?
Is it...
KVV or is it a W?
Oh.
I don't know.
I'm just going to open it up.
Okay.
To whom it may concern.
It seems real personal.
It's not.
Right off the hop, you guys.
So to whom it may concern, I have a job for you.
There has been a pickle jinx
and it's up to you to save the day.
Does it explain what a pickle jinx is?
No, it does not.
And I really appreciate you not interrupting me here.
You're right.
There's a few big words in here.
No problem.
Won't happen again.
Blaine Gerald Gregg has been pickle jinxed
and there is a riddle that needs to be solved
post-haste.
I almost mixed that one up.
So if you could do that, that'd be great.
Lots and lots of gold involved.
Love.
Kermit Von Vomit from the big cucumber lobby.
And then there's a little doodle on the bottom.
It's like a pickle and it's like sad.
I think that's a pickle.
Who would you draw that?
I think it's just a pre-brined cucumber.
How can you tell just from this little doodle?
Well, you see all like, well, okay, I can't tell that.
But I mean, it's from the big cucumber lobby.
Right.
So it just makes sense to me that it's a cucumber.
You know what doesn't make sense is that it said
to whom it may concern.
And then it was signed love.
So I feel like we're getting some mixed signals
from Kermit Von Vomit.
But I mean, regardless, obviously,
we're going to help someone that's been pickle jinxed.
Obviously, that's like the worst thing
that can happen to a person.
Okay.
So you guys know what that is?
I have no idea what that is.
The front door of this tree house bursts open
and from inside you hear the sound of an oom pop band.
And then strolling out with a big cart
and a big chef's hat, you hear,
hey, you guys, I beat you here.
Would you go to three different places
before you got to this tree?
Yeah, we went to a few different trees
that were not, I guess.
And then we double back, circled around,
make sure no one was following us.
And here you are.
Who's be following you?
Yeah, who would be following you
when you haven't been following us?
Who would be following you
when you have the directions?
You got the letter two.
See, to whom may concern,
dearest Hillop was below mine.
Did you get a love?
Did you write that in there?
Yeah, mine did not say the love,
but I wrote it in afterwards.
Did you get a drawn of a pickle?
I drew an extra toupee on the pickle
just to make it look extra special and fancy.
That's pretty fun.
It does just look like pubes.
Look, one person's pickle toupee
is another person's pubic hairs.
And that will be for every what I call pubic hair.
Thank you.
That bathing suit is too low.
I can see your pickle toupee.
I can see your pickle toupees.
Used to call them mercants,
but now they are called the pickle toupees.
Come on in, the water's fine.
They are all here waiting for us.
They are who?
Well, on the note,
here's a big cucumber lobby
with the Kermit the Von Vomit.
Kermit Von Kermit is, sorry.
No, Kermit Von Vomit.
Kermit Von Kermit is his second cousin.
I know, it's a complicated family tree.
They just kept using variations
of Kermit Von Kermit Von Vomit.
In all of the, yeah, there's a Vomit Von Kermit.
That's quite confusing.
But they're here.
Yeah, they are here.
They are throwing this great big party
for when we come and solve the riddle
and unfreeze Blaine Gerald Gregg.
Wait, hold on, he's frozen?
Well, he's pickle jinxed.
So in a sense, he is, well, he's a pickle.
So he's therefore frozen in time as a pickle.
He is decomposing by the second.
You gotta keep him in time.
He's frozen in brine.
So really, he's got all the time in the world.
I just burst.
So I just want to clarify,
since you've been inside, is this,
this is a spectator riddle solving contest
to save Blaine Gerald Gregg.
Well, that's what we've established,
is that there are several people in the audience here.
Great.
And they are waiting.
There's a pickle in the middle of the arena,
and there are several riddles.
One of them might be the riddle that solves the clues.
Are we the only ones who've been invited
or is this like a competitive sport?
You were invited and I was invited.
I don't, I don't remember seeing any more RSVPs.
Okay.
Respondez, si vous plippe.
Great.
I hate you so much.
And so the arena that you mentioned,
I mean, is this, it's bigger on the inside?
This tree?
Yeah, it's very quite huge.
Like there's a staircase going around.
Come on in, the water's fine.
I will say it again,
nobody laughed at that one the first time.
Was it a joke?
Is it a joke?
What's happening?
Look, I don't know.
I'm just going to go in here.
He turns around and takes off his hat
and drags it inside.
Come on in!
He's really touchy lately.
Maybe he needs to get something to eat too.
Yeah, we should maybe all get a snack
before we start the competition.
I like to kind of carboload before.
There's got to be some refreshments, right?
Yeah, do you think they have those people
who are just walking around bringing us food?
I hope so.
That'd be really great.
Would it be really awkward if I asked them for a gherkin?
I don't think so.
As you enter,
there are several hundred people inside of this tree
and various rows and rows of them going all the way up
to the very, very tip-top of this tree.
And there are waiters and waitresses walking around
with trays and trays of what you can see as pickles
and pickles with cheese
and various finger sandwiches
that look to be made exclusively with pickles.
Delicious!
Nary a cucumber to be seen?
No, no cucumber canapes?
No, just pickles.
Those little cucumber sandwiches?
Yes, somebody's walking around with pickle ice cream.
Cucumber foam, maybe?
All in shapes of pickles.
Peanut butter and pickle is, of course,
being spread around.
All in massive pickle goblets.
Lots of pickle shots, right?
Pickled eggs?
Yes, 20 of them.
That's not a lot for hundreds and hundreds of people
that are at this party.
We better get over to...
Okay, so if we want the best selection,
we need to find where the kitchen entrance is
and just kind of camp out there just for a minute
and get everything as it's coming out.
Good call. Good call. Let's do it.
Yeah, that's really good.
And I'm pushing people out of the way
as we're getting through the crowd here.
Moot is really...
I'm glad he's going to get a...
Yeah, he's aggravated right now.
I'm glad he's going to get a snack.
Yeah, because he's the best shot at this riddle stuff,
because let's face it,
if there was a push-up competition,
or pull-ups or burpees,
you know, anything like that,
can I roll Russ to see if I get one of the pickled eggs?
If there's only 20, it's pretty exclusive.
Okay, yes.
You can roll in this improv world that we're building
to see if you get a pickled egg.
If you roll...
What's the number that Carla has to roll?
The specific number that Carla has to roll.
Four.
28.
Oh, look at all the 17s in a row.
17, all right.
Three 17s right back to back.
Wait, does she have a bonus?
What's the pickle bonus?
I have rolled my die.
We got five, we got four.
Well, if it's four, then I got a 17.
Plus wisdom.
Oh, come on.
We're just baby characters.
It's a minus one, though, isn't it?
It's just unfair, Jess.
It's a plus one.
14, no.
Pickle for me.
Blame Jess on that one, guys.
Yeah.
Where are you guys going?
Did you get the deviled pickles?
Ah, there are devil pickles, too?
I thought that's what we were talking about.
Pickled eggs, that's what we were talking about.
They could be devil pickled eggs.
I mean, those sound delicious.
Devil pickled eggs.
It sounds like maybe here.
I have four of them in my pockets.
Oh, um, no.
Actually, you know what?
No, I don't know if they're free range,
so I probably shouldn't actually.
I'd say free range?
They're warm now, though.
The warm.
Well, they're supposed to be warm.
No, they are not.
No, they're not that warm.
Excuse me.
Did you never have a not warm egg in your life?
Did I never not have a warm egg in my life?
Is this the riddle we need to solve?
Yeah, is this riddle number one?
You're helping us practice?
Guys, what the fuck is that?
I'm practicing you.
Yes.
Have I never not had a warm egg in my life?
Of course.
I eat my eggs warm unless they're pickled
because they're supposed to be kept in the refrigerator.
Or deviled.
And then also.
What's a refrigerator?
You know, the ice box.
Don't be a dick.
You know what I mean.
So you don't want my eggs.
OK, great.
Great.
Thank you.
What's the offer?
I will escort you, my fine champions,
to the center of the arena.
Aren't you also a champion?
I brought you your robes.
Robes?
Yes, here are your robes.
This one's way too big for me.
Oh, here.
I put yours on by accident.
Sorry, sorry.
Oh my goodness.
I thought it was pretty inappropriate.
So yeah.
That's a low cut.
Moot, hold still.
I'm trying.
God.
Just put the sandwich down.
Don't you ask him to put that sandwich down, sir.
He's not in any mood for it, Phillip.
Well, I've got to get you ready.
It'll just be just a few seconds.
OK, here you go.
Here's your tiny baby robe.
I can't.
I cannot unsee you wrestling him to the ground
trying to dress him.
Well.
I can't do that again.
This is not the first occasion.
There was the one time back in Reno.
Yeah.
Go on.
When I wrestled Moot down to the ground
and said, you need to put your buffet pants on, sir.
Because we are going out to a massive buffet.
And then you will be complaining so much
that you are not wearing your buffet pants.
He was like, but it's fancy, fancy, Phillip.
And I said, no, your drawstring will be fancy enough.
And you know what, guys?
It was.
Oh.
He was right the whole time.
Oh.
You're not supposed to say that part out loud.
Never second guess Phillip's sage advice.
OK.
So you know where we're going then.
Down to the, we'll follow you.
Yeah, OK.
If you could announce our entrance.
Yeah, OK.
Now entering the arena of the big cucumber lobby.
Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.
One and all, the Destiny's children.
The three who could save the world.
Also, Baja maniacs, we've got your coupons.
Baguettes are in the trunk in the carriage outside.
Don't worry.
You can get a free one.
We have more than 20.
Like the eggs that are floating around in my pockets right now.
Moot, Glim, and Sully.
That was really awkward because you guys, like, nobody asked him to do that.
Yeah, no.
That guy was giving a speech.
Sir, I'm sorry.
But we're here to solve a pickle problem.
Sorry.
Did you go towards the middle of the...
I blacked out.
Is Blaine Gerald Gregg here somewhere?
Yes, there he is.
You look, there's a sign on the table in the middle of the arena that Phillip has led you to.
Not a buffet table, though, right?
No, just a single, like a cocktail table.
In the center and seated on one plate is a pickle with a name standard that says Blaine Gerald Gregory.
That's nice they didn't put the toothpick in there.
You know, in my mind, I thought he was going to be like a pickle, like the size he was before, but a pickle.
But in pickle form.
Yeah.
Not a little pickle.
I kind of expected him to be like his person self, but like all green and warty and like vinegary and delicious.
How do we know this is a person?
Hey there.
Oh, hi.
It is me, Kermit Von Vomit.
Thank you for answering my call.
Well, it seems like anyone could have done so because you didn't actually address it to somebody.
Yeah, it was more of a letter.
My son has been a pickle for quite some time.
And, well, I sent out the letters out onto the wind and wherever they land is who would come and herald the return of Blaine Gerald Gregory.
He's adopted, which is why his last name isn't Von Vomit.
Well, I think you can do some paperwork for that.
It'd be really like pretty simple.
Maybe.
I'm kind of a notary.
I can even help with that.
Oh, well, if you saved my son, maybe.
Have you considered putting him in some pickle juice?
Keep him fresh?
We brought him out for the party.
And then he goes back into the brine at the end of the night.
Well, or hopefully not.
Hopefully not.
Because we'll solve a riddle.
Yeah, so we just we have to solve a riddle.
I don't quite understand the whole pickle jinxing thing.
Well, somebody, a witch came by and told him he did a really bad thing.
What did he do?
He asked the witch to dance in the contest and, well, spun her a little fast and lifted
her skirt and stuck her, stuck his finger in her ear.
What's really, like, I mean.
All those things got him turned into a pickle.
OK.
That sounds kind of like that guy has some boundary problems.
Yeah, a little bit.
We're working on it.
Not quick.
Are we?
Well, he's been a pickle for quite a while.
Hopefully he learned his lesson.
How long is quite a while?
18 years.
Oh, wow.
Oh, boy.
He's passed his prime now.
So well, the rejuvenating brine at the end of the night, which she has gifted us only
one jar of, it's down to its final drops.
Oh, boy.
Is the riddle on the label of that brine jar or?
Yeah.
Or is it like a cave somewhere that we have to go track it down?
What's the deal?
Oh, yes.
I mean, that's an insult to injury, isn't it?
It's like, hey, I turned your son into a pickle.
Also, I think you're so stupid.
I'm not going to be able to solve these riddles.
I'm going to give them to you though.
Yeah, you can have them and just like read them over a few times.
For 18 years.
Are the three or four of you going to save the day?
Three.
Wow, that was very quick.
That was very quick there, Moot.
I dress you.
I bathe you.
What?
I read to you while you sleep.
Fine.
I will wait in the stands.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I was just kidding.
Come with.
All you have to do is stand on that square.
All three of you.
Okay.
Stand on the square.
It's technically more of a rectangle.
I know.
I was a shapeologist.
Great.
Well, that'll come in handy when you're all standing on this square.
Yeah, you too.
Okay.
Yeah, fine.
I'll squeeze in two here.
Nice and close.
Just right on the square.
Yeah.
Right on the square.
It's three, everybody.
And he's around the audience.
One, two, three.
And he pulls a giant lever.
And the four of you fall down through a tunnel.
Moot, Glim, Sully, and Hillop are falling.
They hear the audience cheering, getting fainter and fainter.
As they exit this tunnel that they have fallen down into, they splash down into
a roiling, bubbling, churning chocolate fountain.
There it is.
Oh.
Um.
Oh, Hillop.
You can't.
Okay.
Come here.
Okay.
I got you.
You can actually just stand up.
Oh.
It's not like you have my problem.
You want to just, just climb on.
Yeah.
I grapple up.
Glim's back.
This is a white chocolate.
It is diverse.
It doesn't melt quite right.
It's a little chunky.
Hmm.
It's not even real chocolate.
A white chocolate film.
Yeah.
Hmm.
Yeah.
I hear there's no cocoa in this.
I used to be a chocolatier.
Oh.
Hey.
Do you guys think that maybe we're not actually here to like solve a riddle,
but perhaps that they need to do so many human sacrifices in order to like cure
the pickle?
Well, I didn't think that until now.
Well, I was just as we were falling down, because there was a little bit of
ways.
I was just thinking like, oh, well, we kind of walked right into that.
Right.
We didn't ask many questions.
I feel like, like, you know, like some reflecting on how we do this.
If we get out of this pickle, we don't ask enough questions because like we
might not ask enough questions.
Yeah.
So maybe just a little bit was.
Thank you.
Hey guys.
It's so much chocolate in my eyes.
I feel like this is a plaque with maybe some writing on it, maybe a riddle.
Did someone come read it for me?
You want to wait over there, Glim?
Yeah.
Gloop.
That is the sound someone makes when they're waiting through white chocolate.
What does what does it say, Glim?
I think it has a rhyme in it.
Coming up with a riddle on the spot.
Coming up with instructions to go find a riddle.
I'll start you off if it makes it easier.
I think it says, oh shit, look out.
Duck.
Oh shit.
It's not a riddle.
Duck.
Hit the ground in the chocolate fountain.
I assume Glim ducked because I'm strapped to her back.
You're good.
I got ducked.
Soaring down from from somewhere unseen is a moose tied to rope.
If you were listening harder, you would have you would have heard the the call of the
moose.
As it hit hill up.
Ah, slow motion.
I'm married to this.
Everybody.
Oh, God.
Oh, are you okay down there?
What happened?
Well, she said duck and you didn't do it.
I was hit by a moose.
Why would I say duck?
You were hit by a moose.
Yeah.
But she told you, would you prefer to be hit in the face with a duck?
Well, that would have actually been preferred.
Ducks are much smaller.
They are aggressive as well.
They got the bites.
Oh, duck.
It's coming back.
Guys, guys, guys.
Duck, duck, duck, duck.
It's coming back.
Okay.
We should.
It's like it's swinging.
So we should.
Maybe it looks like move to get out of this.
Sure.
Yeah, it's probably good.
You make your way around moot.
What do you see as you walk around the other side of this fountain that's still burbling?
The moose is swinging back and forth.
She looks so unimpressed with life.
So unhappy.
This poor moose.
I mean, what is happening at the other side of a chocolate fountain that a moose is swinging back and forth in, right?
Age old question.
Yep.
So one that's been stumping philosophers for generations.
There is I'm going to take a phobias suggestion here.
I'm going to tweak it a little bit, though.
There's a giant mortar and pestle that's like right next to the chocolate fountain.
I mean, out of the fountain into the.
That is what they say.
It seems like a dangerous place to go.
I'm just I'm not 100 percent sure that I'm wanting to.
That you want to go into a giant mortar and pestle.
I mean, we could go around.
Things get crushed.
So you're totally right.
Let's just like maybe stick.
We don't need to go.
Oh, OK.
Yep, yep, yep.
Well, Moots, you seem to think we go down into.
Well, I was thinking for the, you know, savings of time as we were trying to go somewhere.
But I think that going around like cliffhanger style around the edge is probably a better idea.
OK.
Is MBC a way out of here?
Well, the other end there, there's a little.
First one over is is the winner.
How those eggs doing in your pocket, by the way?
I've been thinking about him the whole time we've been in the chocolate.
Surprisingly unsquished.
Would you like one?
No, thank you.
No, no, no, I'm OK.
The four of you begin running around, booking it around this mortar and pestle.
And you make it to the other side and there's a giant door and it's engraved with a figure.
Eight.
It's a figure eight.
It crosses through almost like an infinity.
So there are there are the two holes top and bottom and then two like side pieces that are more like triangles as they cut in to make up the door.
So we made it through this figure eight door.
Feeling great.
This is figure eight.
How do we rate?
This is the last challenge that we just did.
Have we solved any riddles yet?
I don't.
I think we just follow directions for one.
We just follow directions for one.
Well, some of us follow directions.
Others misinterpreted directions and was hit by a moose.
Well, you know, I was going to say you learned a lesson, but you got hit twice.
So yeah, but you know, it's not really an adventure until someone gets hit by a moose.
That's true.
That is what I say every single time.
And every single time I am subtly hit by a moose.
You know what?
In grade eight, I had to fend a moose off.
You went to school?
Yeah, I did.
Oh, I did not go to all the schools.
Giant fiery branch.
Wow.
That sounds like a great story that you could tell us as we enter this door.
OK.
You first.
OK.
Hillop climbs through the smallest hole on the top.
Climbs up.
OK.
Shimme.
How's that zumba working for you?
It's great.
Has it made you bendy?
It made me so bendy.
I can touch my toes while I'm in this tiny hole.
How thick is that door, Hillop?
Have you made it?
Like, are you on the other side?
Well, see, it's about a Hillop's length with my tippy tippy fingers stretched out.
One Hillop plus tippies, got it?
Plus tippies.
Probably limb size plus a head.
Whose head?
My head?
Whose head?
It's pretty dark in here.
Does somebody have a light?
I am covered in the chocolate and the eggs and the pickles.
Oh, you have to be careful.
If that chocolate starts to harden in there, you may never get out.
Those pickled eggs are definitely squished in his pockets now, right?
If they're not, I got questions.
Yeah.
Okay, well, I'm just going to maybe go through this bigger door.
Yeah, me too.
Everybody else squeezes through of their own accord and they enter into this darkened space as a torch.
Actually, who lights a light and how do you light a light?
Is this a riddle?
I have the spell light so I can light a small object up that I want.
Is it going to be Hillop?
Is it going to be a pickled egg?
I know, it's got to be a little smaller than Hillop.
Okay.
I don't know.
No larger than 10 feet in any direction.
That's his fun Hillop.
A whole Hillop plus Tiffy's.
It's going to get us.
What color light would we like Hillop to be giving off?
Purple it is.
Oh, several purple.
Hey guys.
Oh, wow.
Look at the light in here.
Hillop and everybody turn around and they see a looming monster behind them.
Vote as you light the light.
You are the first one to see this monster.
Describe to me what you see please.
Let me just scroll back through all the suggestions.
There's some really good ones.
Medusa with pickle hairs.
I feel like Medusa with pickle hair might be the winner.
Yeah, Medusa with pickle hair.
So instead of writhing snakes for hair, pickles.
I have a question about the pickles.
Are they like thinly sliced pickles so they're floppy and movable?
Or are they just like hard spiky punk rock pickles?
I think yeah, like punk rock spiky pickles.
Are they animated?
No.
Oh, okay.
Okay, I've seen one of these before.
You're going to want to not look right at them.
What do you mean not look right at them?
Who are you talking about?
Hillop turns around and looks right at them.
What happens to Hillop when he looks right at it?
He has to make a constitution saving throw.
Okay, you can touch my dice.
Eleven.
The pickle jinxed?
On the die.
We don't think Hillop has a high constitution, do we?
Get strong.
No, no, sure, no.
There's definitely no vibe.
So Hillop's got an eleven.
So when you look at a medusa, if you say it fails by five or more, instantly petrifies.
Otherwise a creature that begins to turn to stone.
So it begins to turn into a pickle.
What are you talking about?
Oh, my fingers are pickles.
Oh, that's disturbing.
How does it feel?
I'm curious.
It's surprisingly, like, it's crunchy yet soft.
Soft pickles are the worst thing you could ever have.
Yeah, you don't want the soft pickles, but my phAlydinges are pickles now.
Okay.
I'm not going to look at her again.
I feel like that is a bad, bad move.
Yeah.
You should have said, Hillop, don't look at the lady.
But then you would have looked to go like, what lady?
I'm doing my best to help you, Hillop, but you just keep...
Excuse me, ma'am.
Yes?
Yes, I'm pickle medusa.
Put it together.
I cannot.
You've heard of Gorgons?
We are the Gorski.
How you doing?
I've been stuck in this pickle chamber for quite some time.
Oh, why?
Well, because they don't let me out.
I turn things into pickles.
Oh, wait, that seems like a real bad habit.
Yeah, that's a bit of a problem, isn't it?
Is there a way you could not do that?
No.
It is my nature.
Just even maybe, like, some special anti-pickle glasses?
Do you have such pickle glasses?
Why don't you look at me in the eyes?
Well, I think you exactly know why.
No one respects me.
Well, no, it's not a lack of respecting.
I just desire someone to look me in the eyes and not fear for their life.
Okay, hold on.
If I look through something, would your pickle stare be refracted and thusly un-concentrated?
Yeah, is it like UV rays through a window?
These are questions I have never been asked before.
They usually run screaming, my fingers are pickles!
And then I don't know where they go.
Probably to become pickles.
Are you the one who turned a Gregory Blaine...
Gerald Gregory?
No.
Into a pickle?
Maybe.
Am I the one?
Are you the witch?
I am but a pickle medusa.
My name is Penelope Picklepoddle.
And I have been trapped down here for quite some time.
You know what?
The people who come down here and get turned into pickles, I don't know what happens to them.
They get turned into pickles?
One hundred years is how long I've been down here.
Oh, uh, okay.
They go through that door.
Can we go through that door?
You are more than welcome to go through that door.
But if you would solve my problem of not being looked at in the eyes,
that would make it so that I won't chase you down there.
Is this the riddle?
Uh, okay, uh, hold on.
Yeah, I think I have some of those special pickle glasses in my bag.
Let me just look.
Oh, Gleb, you know what you got.
You got those Bahamut Zumba, like Bahamut's the best.
You know, the prototype glasses you guys were going to give out.
Yeah, the promo sunglasses.
You're giving out zip prototypes.
And I dig through my bag and actually.
Pickle fingers.
Tricks.
I'm actually just looking for my, like, purse mirror.
And by purse, I mean my satchel where I'm holding all my important adventuring gear.
Because I don't really think Gleb carries a purse.
Yeah, you know, because they were like real fancy and stuff.
You could give them to her and then you could always make a new pair.
So if you just want to just here you go and mirror to Pickle Medusa.
Yes, yes, I see.
I see your eyes.
No, she sees her own eyes.
She sees herself because it's a mirror.
I see my own eyes.
I thought you were doing like an over the shoulder thing.
No, she was doing like, ah.
I was too busy reading the chat for all the ideas for different glasses.
And meanwhile, she's not trying to help you at all.
She's trying to turn you to Pickle.
I look into the mirror.
What do I see?
I see my eyes looking back at me.
I rolled a natural one.
And your fingers are Pickles.
There's a...
Not just fingers.
And a Pickle is now in the space where the Medusa was.
Penelope Pickle bottle.
Pickle bottle, bottle, bottle.
And she falls to the briny floor.
She was a bit of a dill-hole, though, wasn't she?
Okay, we have solved the problem of Penelope Pickle bottle,
but we still have now Pickle hands.
Oh, your fingers didn't turn back?
No, they are stuck like this.
Like moving up my arms.
They are the big Pickles.
Attached to tiny Pickles.
Probably the big Cucumber Lobby has some sort of solution for that.
So maybe we should just keep going.
If they had a solution for that, though,
wouldn't they have turned the Pickle dude back into the person,
that awful, awful person that he was?
Right.
Well, let's go through this door and see what's what.
Yeah.
I don't think the Pickle finger solution's in here,
so we're just going to keep looking.
I hope to the Pickle gods that I do not turn into the giant Gherkin by the end.
You go great on a baguette.
We'll see how it goes.
Glim, take note.
Pickle sandwiches at the Baja Maniacs.
It gives you not only the carbohydrates that you want and desire,
but gives you the salinity and extra electrolytes
that you need after a hardcore workout.
Oh, but it also dehydrates you,
so you guys should probably get your own line of like,
like electrolyte drink, like Bahamut flavored.
Pickled Bahamut, we can call it.
OK, I think we maybe will workshop that a little,
but I honestly, great idea.
Yeah, straight from the splintered sacks of the great Bahamut.
I don't know.
That's definitely not it.
Bahamut.
Oh, Bahamut sounds pretty cool, pretty nice.
You are walking through this door,
and you walk down a long and winding corridor.
There's like this gurgling noise,
and then a clack.
Guys, I'm not a huge fan of that,
but if I had to guess it's a child
churning some sort of gear situation,
and I bet there's a liquid of some kind.
Yeah, I mean, and they seemed to be having fun.
There was that weird uncomfortable giggle, so...
Let's not ask questions and just go.
Let's go.
I bet it's just the bellows for a big bouncy castle.
Oh, that would be great.
Glim and Sully, you are the first two to enter this room.
What do you see that is making this noise?
It's a young, wet organ grinder.
Oh, my God.
I read it, and then I hated it,
and then I said it out loud.
Excuse me, young man.
Yes?
What's so funny?
The sound that it just makes when I...
It's so wet.
Yeah, it's a satisfying sound.
That click?
The clack?
The clickety clack?
The click clack, the click clack with the...
What are you click clacking now?
What's the whole thing here?
I am told to spin the device.
Because?
Because if you don't stop, someone's going to die, right?
Listen, I've been in this situation before.
It's not true.
Nobody told me that somebody was going to die,
but is somebody going to die?
Well, no, not if they didn't tell you.
I've stopped. Oh, God.
No, it's probably fine if they didn't tell you that.
I don't want anybody to die.
But then what is it doing?
Well, it makes this big chain go,
and it goes down into this liquid,
and then it picks up all these pickles,
and then brings them up high up into the tree.
Fishing for pickles?
Well, we're not fishing necessarily.
Yeah, they call me...
They call me...
Dylan.
Dilled one.
Great.
Dylan.
Vaughn Vaughn.
Dylan Vaughn Vaughn.
Oh, well, okay.
How long have you been doing this, Dylan?
You seem like a young guy.
How long have I been doing this?
525,600 minutes.
So one year.
Okay, all right.
And I get to eat a pickle as it goes by,
so that's what's been sustaining me for this long.
Do you have time to eat the entire pickle as it goes by,
or do you just get to take a chomp out of one of them?
It's like a chomp every couple.
You get one every couple of good turns,
so you don't need to eat all the eggs.
The pickles fill you up.
Where do these pickles go?
Up.
And are you getting a check bi-weekly,
or are you being compensated for your...
Yeah, I haven't been out of this cave
for 525,600 minutes.
Right, for a whole year.
For a whole year.
But I've been assured that it's being forwarded
to my mother's bank account.
It's an offshore bank account in the Maztican Islands.
Dylan, how old are you?
And what does your mom do
that she needs a Maztican offshore bank account?
She's in futures.
Waste management, maybe.
As a matter of fact, the futures of waste management.
And I'm 14.
Oh, wow.
You got your whole life ahead of you.
What if we took over this
and you just kind of like help us find the next clue?
It's been a while.
Don't want somebody to die.
Hold on.
No, I don't think these pickles are like
sustaining people's lives.
Except for yours.
Well, yeah, that's definitely what's been happening
is life-sustaining pickles.
Okay, so I get to go?
Yes.
I'll just hop in one of the baskets
and then you can just shoot me up.
Beam me up, Scotty.
Are you going to go where the pickles go
or just out that door?
What if these pickles get put in jars?
Well, I don't think I'll fit into a jar.
Okay.
What if they're all going in one big jar?
Oh, boy.
What if they're all going in one big jar?
Oh, this is a real humdinger.
The fabled omni jar.
Should I go up the basket
or should I go through the door?
I think you should just go through the door.
There's a, I mean...
I mean, I have a real strong sense
that I should probably go in the basket.
Yeah, I'm kind of thinking basket might be the way.
I mean, you're 14.
You gotta live your life.
Live your life, Dylan.
Load me up.
I finally get to go home and tell Scotty
how well I've done.
He's my best friend.
Oh, Scotty doesn't know?
Scotty doesn't know where I've been.
He's probably looking for me.
Alright, I'm in the, climb in the basket.
Are you comfortable?
Are you ready?
Let me help you in there, dear Lon.
I flip you.
I got pickle arms.
Stand on my back!
I feel like you're just touching them all over
with the pickle appendages. You stop it.
Well, it's an interesting sensation when you have pickle arms.
It doesn't feel like a normal hand or finger.
Okay, and I just pick them up and put them in the basket.
I just can't.
Thank you, appreciate it.
I just can't with Hylapin's pickle
full of cheese right now.
Oh yeah, I forgot I was Dylan.
Dylan, are you ready?
The middle.
And blink 182's back with
a new song and
maybe a new album too.
Hasn't released yet, but it's probably
going to happen because there's an
this isn't a blink 182 ad.
It's not, but that was very good.
It depends if you want to hook us up with some of those expensive tickets.
I would take those tickets.
You really captured
the essence of a blink 182 song.
It's pretty great.
I'm very excited about the new album.
It was a solid Tom DeLong impression.
The new song has been on repeat.
It's one of those for me.
I have heard it once.
It was fun. I've never even heard it.
It's called edging.
But nothing about edging.
Well, I mean if you listen hard enough.
I've only listened once.
The 177th time.
You got it.
It's totally about edging.
I mean
from a band that named an album
Take Off Your Pants and Jacket.
I'm sure they're intending some double meaning there.
I just got it.
Just got Take Off Your Pants and Jacket?
Yeah.
Welcome to the middle everybody.
Sweet innocent Amy.
Those words have never been uttered before.
How about all the small things?
You got that one?
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Hey you guys, did you know that we have
We have a great deal on Patreon.
Solid segue.
If anyone from Blink 182 is listening
you can take advantage of it.
We're big fans.
If you want to come play with us, do it.
It'll be fun.
But the offer is not for
If Mark Hoppus were to offer us
to play, we would totally do it.
But also, when you sign up
to be an annual patron
new, upgrading, or if you're
a current patron and you want to just say
I don't want to pay monthly anymore.
I want to pay just once a year.
You can do it, and you pay for
ten months, but you get twelve.
Yeah, pay for the whole year
but only paying for actually
ten months of it, but getting the whole year.
That's right. By ten, get two free.
That's right. One more awkward way
to describe it. Carla, go.
You get
you pay for one hundred percent
you get twenty percent of that
for free, sort of.
That was the most awkward one.
January, paid. February, paid.
March, paid.
April, it could be free.
Could be the free one.
It's my birthday month. I'm going to say that one's free.
That's right.
So just for October,
if you go to Patreon
and sign up for an annual membership
new or upgrading, then you get
yeah, you only pay for ten months
out of the twelve months.
So that's a pretty good deal.
And I have a quote from one of our patrons.
Oh, okay.
This one from, my name is D
who is in our
Discord, but also a patron.
Did anyone else have a brief thought of like, oh, please be good?
Yes, one hundred percent. That's what I thought.
And then my second thought was
why would someone send us a mean quote?
And then my third thought was, why would Russ
be like, hey guys, want to hear a quote?
But I still had this moment of panic
where I was like, oh, please be good.
Yeah, one hundred percent. It's very good.
My name is D, in the Discord
who is also a patron, said, still
enjoying the Patreon streaming
and nowhere close to caught up.
Dumbgeons could literally claim
that subscribing to Patreon will give you
hundreds more episodes or hours
of content totally worth any
of the sponsorship levels.
Thanks, D.
Said it much better than us.
Listen to my name is D.
Also, if
anybody signs up because D
gave us that amazing
quote, we have to give
D the entitled praise
should their quote bring in new
viewership to Patreon.
That is a quote from
Standard Jess
who says, stay legalized, my peeps.
So make sure
the quote is reflected.
So if you sign up, let us know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you're in the middle
of this bonus episode
which is what we
recorded as an improv show
that we did for when we reached 90
patrons. We still have one for when we reached 100 patrons
and we have more of those goals
coming up that you could also help us get
to if you sign up right now.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast. We hope to see
you over there. And if you sign up just because
of D's quote,
let us know.
Credit where credits do.
Thanks, friends.
And now we'll carry you
out on
more of like a Blink 182 ballad. Could you do
something a bit slower? Oh, shit.
What's the Adam song?
Miss you.
Miss you. Miss you.
Miss you.
I've got a question. If they sign up
because my name is D had them
do it, do they become their downline?
Subletting
Patreon subscription.
I mean, we're back into the
you know, the MLM
I know, I know. We want to
stay away from that. Okay, bye, everybody.
Bye.
Okay, here we go. And Glim
has quite a quicker
pace. What's the sound
up the highway? What's the sound
as it moves so much faster?
It's like the Price is Right wheel. Just like
a tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
Okay, bye, friends.
Yeah.
Question your mom.
Bye. Good call.
I don't feel like a hundred percent about
that, but I also didn't feel good about a
kid being down here, like just
cranking a wheel for pickles.
No.
Yeah.
I have a feeling like he wasn't down here by
choice. He really wanted to go, so
Guys, I can't open the door.
We're gonna take the door though. Yeah.
I have no more tactile experience with my
hands and doorknobs.
It's up to my shoulders. Okay.
Yep. Okay.
We really gotta find this riddle.
Here, and I, first I wanted
to check for traps. Roll and
investigate. Yeah.
Never mind. Seems clear.
Eight. Sound good, you guys.
I mean, there hasn't been a single trap yet, so what's the odds?
You turn the knob,
and a mousetrap snaps
on your hand. Yeah, motherfucker.
Watch out for the mousetrap! Thanks,
Dylan. Door opens.
What do you see beyond, Sully?
You're the first one to walk through.
I don't know if I am. I'm sitting over here with
giant, like, pulsating fingers.
You and Hilla both, right? Yeah.
Watch out. Maybe that wasn't the only mousetrap in there,
but I'm gonna, like, just, you know,
put some alcohol in me
and he takes out a little flask and takes
a sip. This adventure's
ridiculous.
You open the door,
and there's a strong waft of, like,
an Erlenmeyer,
or, like, a
blue cheese, or
like a... Which is it? Both.
There's a strong waft of both. The floor
is all blue cheese.
The walls are, like,
a gruyere. There's
statues
carved into the gouda
that is just
that are lining this hallway that you
walk down as you enter this grand
cheese castle
before you. That leads
down and it's all
very brightly lit, much
different than the pickle place that you
just left. And there is a
there is a tablet
down at the end. Like, there's this long tablet
with an
engraved scripture
right across it.
And it is the riddle that you've been
looking for. Um,
hey, Hilla, um... You?
I thought I would ask you this, but do you have a baguette
on you? Because the pickles and
the cheese, and I know we just ate when we were
upstairs, but... Oh, god,
no, not that he can reach himself.
Oh, yeah. Oh,
jeez. It's okay, I'm sorry, I forgot
about the... Yeah, I've got one in my
back pocket here. Just reach in real
tight. So,
underneath... No, not underneath,
it's in the pocket. No, no, Hilla,
Hilla, just never mind, we'll get a baguette later.
I'm sorry. Thank
you so much. I momentarily
forgot about the pickle fingers
and arms. Um, and maybe
starting to be up at the neck.
Yeah, it's like a pickle neck. Like, I don't have
quite enough strength. I'm like a baby.
My head is
flippy floppy.
And you know, at one point, guys
were just going to have to leave them behind.
No, don't leave me behind. It hasn't
made it to my legs yet. I would be a giant
smiley pickle
with legs walking around behind
you forever and ever and always.
This is the stuff of nightmares.
What does that riddle say, Glim?
So, there's a carved
bust, um,
made of cheese, of course,
of, uh,
vomit von Kermit,
so I'm assuming some sort of ancestor.
But underneath,
it says,
why are bananas
better than pickles?
Why are bananas better
than pickles?
I don't think I've ever heard this one before, guys.
Okay, well,
if we, hold on, if we answer wrong, is
something gonna,
is something bad
gonna happen?
Or can we brainstorm, or are they gonna
take every wrong answer as,
like, we didn't do it?
They didn't specifically say on
the invitation what happened. Sorry,
I have a baby neck.
They didn't specifically say what happens
in the invitation. If you
don't get it right, they just said that
the sun
becomes pickled
for longer. The sun becomes
pickled for longer?
Yeah. He doesn't
I don't remember seeing that on our invitation.
He doesn't get, it was on the back.
He didn't read the back yet.
It was in, it kind of wrapped around,
you had to spin it, uh,
very much like the Santa Claus.
Uh.
So,
why are bananas better
than pickles? Let's really, like,
crowd-source this one.
Okay, well, then not.
Well, so, they come,
okay, we're going to guess,
guess the answers.
Uh, uh, uh, they, they come
in a wrapper. Well, I mean, that is
for traveling purposes,
but I think, because it is
a riddle, it's supposed to be, like,
a clever answer.
Okay. They have appeal.
They have appeal.
And, and as you say that,
that, um, that bust
lifts up and opens
up and there's a big
tunnel
under it. Oh my god, moot.
Wow. Wow, moot.
You did it. You did it.
You did it. You did it, you had
okay, goodbye beautiful cheese hallway.
I am gonna go.
Goodbye yellow brick cheese.
We will see you
again upstairs, hopefully.
Um, so we head down
down to the cured meats.
Glim heads down the pickle-shaped
tunnel. Those are exactly
the words I thought would be coming out of your mouth
about an hour and ten minutes into the game.
Absolutely. Sully, Sully
goes after you, uh,
like, on, on
his belly.
Like, you know, head first.
We do emerge into
a room with just, like,
I don't know, there's, like, some smoked
salmon in here
and, and, like, a dry
sausage
and, uh, those really delicious,
uh, dried
chorizo and
sort of a beef jerky. Is that
pecrudo over there?
That's good. Oh,
god. I just have to mention
Maui's comment of
are all tunnels pickle-shaped because it's
perfect. Yeah, that's accurate.
Uh, oh.
Is that pate? This is smelling
so good. Uh, not just
like the pickle brine that was previous
and then the cheese, the cheese was very
good and then I've slid
down this tunnel as per Sully's
recommendation and now I can't stand up
because I have no upper body strength.
Uh, not much
less than before because
as for mentioned, pickle.
Yeah. I feel like
we maybe have gone through this tunnel system
backwards because we ended at
the chocolate. Oh.
And now we're, yeah.
So there was the chocolate and then the
pickles and then the cheese
and then the meats.
Yeah, this is like a pretty baller charcuterie
ball. It's really good. Really good.
Really nice. So did we, but
we solved the riddle and now maybe
we, yeah, because we've went the wrong way
maybe we just.
Are there more riddles? I think there's another
another
bust
carved out of a large ham.
And underneath
this one it says
Kermit
Von Vomit the eighth.
Okay, we're getting somewhere.
And there's a little plaque underneath
and it says
what happens when life gives
you pickles instead of lemons?
What happens when
life gives you pickles instead of
lemons?
You eat
the pickles. You make ham
salad. You make
pickleade.
Pickleade, is that a good
name for our? For our band?
For our maniacs?
You gotta pick.
Yum. Yeah. So
when life gives you lemons instead of
pickles. No, pickles instead of
lemons. Pickles instead of lemons.
Because you don't want either one though, right?
You deal with it.
And another tunnel
pickle shaped natch
opens under the ham bust.
We are getting somewhere because somebody
either pick me up or scoot me
along.
Don't skewer me though
because at that point I feel hurt
and maybe cause irreparable damage.
I don't know.
Sally takes a fork
you don't know from where
and just gives a little jab
in the back
just like you don't see
me do it.
Any reaction? No.
So are you going to pick me up
Sally? Am I going
to pick you up? Well I'm shrunken and
my body mass I feel like has
gone down. My innards are
just a soggy cucumber.
So I am
less bound
to
be heavy.
Moot.
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
I got it. You're so strong.
Thanks Moot. And very handsome
and well read. He's a little slippery
though. Hey, whoa.
Watch where your fingers are going there Moot.
Slippery pickle. That's what they call me.
Hillop's a slippery pickle. Only since
today.
Okay, we
proceed down this tunnel.
There's ruckus laughter
and cheering
coming from down at the end
of this tunnel that after
going down for a little ways, eventually
begins to spiral and
wind back up and towards
the sound of the party.
You hear the oom pop band
playing. You
hear the clashing
the clanging of dishware.
The laughter of the royals
as they are
cheering on
whatever is happening beyond these doors.
The doors burst open
before you.
There's entertainment
going on in the middle
of this chamber,
this arena. What is the entertainment
that they see? Oh, it's a dance
battle. Wrestlers dancing.
Is someone getting served?
Sumo wrestler dance battle
to the oom pop pop music.
The best music to have a dance
battle to. The most in
I don't know
what I'm trying to say. They're graceful. They're
just like you think that
they wouldn't be, but the
movements are so fluid.
You know, I was a
movist for
a while there. I did movies.
But not like they're doing
it. Moot, I can't see.
My head doesn't lift up properly.
Oh, yeah, okay.
And I kind of turn them towards it.
Oh, that's better. Yeah,
they are really grooving down there.
Holy man.
I don't want to interrupt them, but I kind of feel like
we should walk in and be like
Well, this is probably a good
idea. I mean, that's how
we get paid. Oh,
yeah, yeah. I sort of thought
when we solved the riddles that Hila would just
like. That's got to be.
Right?
Maybe there's like one more
somewhere.
Because that's got to be.
I mean, that's the cure to the
I mean, if we're going to save Blaine Gerald
Gregg. We're missing a carbohydrate.
That's got to be how we save Hila too.
There's a loud
clacking noise.
And
the ground gives up beneath you in like
a slide fashion.
That fuck.
All of you careening down this slide.
You're banking like it's
like it's a luge.
There's more and more pickle juice
being filled in all the way down.
It's turning into like a water slide.
There's a loop-de-loop that happens
and you splash down into
It's in my eyes. This tiny waiting
pool.
A la Bugs Bunny. The four of you
And then you
are shot back out into the middle of this
arena. The sumo dancers step
in part to the side.
You hear Kermit Von Vomit.
Wow.
It seems you made it
all the way back out.
Well, you can, you've
earned the right to solve
the final riddle. Wait, there's more?
Well, there's the one that actually
undoes. Oh, your friend's going to
be a pickle too. Yeah,
is it going to help him if we solve this last
one? I think so.
It breaks the pickle curse.
Now, hold on. Did we actually have to do all that
bullshit before or was that like
the test of our worthiness?
It was the test of your worthiness.
That's bull-wow.
You're really- We're eccentric rich people.
Oh, we
I mean- Yeah, we did want
to talk to you about the teen down in
the pickle cavern.
Yeah, not cool. Yeah, that was
not okay with them. Oh, Dylan, yeah, he checked
in before he left. Don't worry, he's been paid.
His mom signed him up.
One year,
he likes to break it down into
minutes though. Yeah, the kid
got weird. Don't put kids down there
anymore. When all you eat
is pickles,
it turns you green.
So, this final riddle that
we've earned the chance
to- Can we get the fuck out of here?
Yeah, you know
it. I bestow
upon you the riddle
that will save the world.
I mean, just save
the pickle people.
Thanks, Kermit.
Oh, guys, we were
right. It's about a carbohydrate.
We totally nailed it.
What's another
name for a loaf of
pickle bread?
Pickle.
Pickle bread.
I thought it was a pickle though.
That's an improvement.
If you get it wrong,
it might turn into a pickle.
Okay, so we have
one, two, three,
we have three chances.
Yeah, because it seems your friend
is all pickles
in the mouth.
Okay. Bread and butter.
Nothing happens. Except Sully
turns into a pickle.
Is it sourdough?
No, no, nothing
happens. Pickle me, Russ.
Moot turns into a pickle.
I don't know.
Don't dilly-dally.
Man.
It's a kind of pickle, but is it a kind
of dough? Is it bread?
The sourdough?
Does he turn more into a pickle?
He's full pickle now.
Well, I mean, before
did he just fall to the ground? Moot was holding you.
Now it's just pickle on pickle.
Pickle on pickle action. Okay, I guess it's
just up to
me. Is it
dill dough?
Oh, well, it's dill
dough. Yes, it's
dill dough. You saved the
day with the dill dough.
It wouldn't be the first
time. Everybody. Moot,
no, Moot, Sully,
and Hillup.
All come back.
And then you hear that same sound from the center
from the cocktail
table that the sumo dancers were
dancing around.
Where you can presume to
be Blaine Gerald Gregg
is seated at the top of this
table. And then you hear that
sound from all around, from the trays
all around too.
And all of these
adventurers in like
full armor are all just very
confused as they are being
passed around like snacks.
That one over there is
a snack.
Well, it seems you've solved my riddle.
We should probably stop here before you
get upset with me that I was turning
people into pickles by accident
through the force of trying to get my
son to not be a pickle anymore.
But then as people kept showing
up and needed something to feed them and then
they were turning into pickles. And then by chance,
you know, there was the pickle vat downstairs
so they would just be fed pickles.
And then I had the cheese hall and that was
just a... I'm sorry, all the pickles
down in the pickle vat, are those people?
They may be drowning right
now. You may want to... Well, no, they're pickles.
They're real pickles?
Those ones are not
like medusa, pickle medusa,
turn them into pickles. But like... There's a big basket
off into the side.
You hear coming from down the
chute that it was coming up
just hollers of like
Hey, hey, somebody
up there. Oh, it's so fucking
weird. So
there was mention of a reward. Yeah, it's all
you want to deal with.
You just want to deal with the
reward and then... I mean,
honestly, this went... I don't know. Super
sideways. I kind of want to go all glim
on him, like smite him.
He deserves to be
besmoten.
I definitely agree, but we are in
the middle of an arena full
of like von Kermit,
von Vomit, like variations.
But more full of
adventurers who are pissed off pickle
people. But also full of
You hear swords being drawn from all
over. Pissed off pickle people. You know what? Why
don't we just take the money? Yeah,
I'll have it. We won't... Oh, yeah,
there you go. Here's your
bread and butter earnings.
God, is it pickle
chips? I'm gonna slap a bitch.
Well, you can cash them in on the way out.
I slap a bitch.
Ow. Oh.
Oh my. It hurts so
bad. So as
I said, you each get your chips. You can
cash them in on the way out or spin the wheel
and see if you can double your earnings.
The casino.
Or what's in the
mystery box. You know what? We're gonna
take our pickle chips and just
you know, hit the cash out.
But you may want to talk to all these
friendly folk. Hey, this guy turned you
into a pickle.
Yeah, yeah.
Get this pickle bitch. This guy over here.
Yeah. This guy, as you
see Kermit, von Vomit
running
over and kind of just
shakes his son's hand and says
it's nice to see you again. It's been
a long time. You've been a pickle for a very, very
good long time. I forgot kind of what you look
like. I'm gonna go
deal with some business that I have here.
You maybe make your way over
to the tables.
We'll get you set up. Don't worry about it.
Just get you all worked in and I'll see you later.
Okay. Bye everybody.
He bolts off as he's
being. We all just sat and
watched this happen. As he's being
chased off by the adventurers who are
drawing their shields and
swords and chasing him up and around
this massive tree house
as the umpah
band starts back up again.
Glim and Sully and
Hillup find themselves.
I'm gonna take one of those fire poles down.
I'm just out of here.
This whole thing is so disconcerting.
I've got
chocolate all over me. I didn't
get to have a snack after all
that delicious savory food
that I wanted so bad. I'm so glad I didn't need a
pickle.
Yeah.
I probably will never
eat a pickle again. That's a bold
statement. I don't know. You never
hear it. Not everybody's a pickle.
We'll just make sure that we
know where we're sourcing the pickles from.
Ethically. But every
pickle somebody. But like should we cash
out our chips on the way out? Yeah. Absolutely.
Yeah, of course.
Okay. We'll go cast them out.
You get
50 gold each. Pickle currency
is not very high.
Well, nope. That's Kermit the Frog
running by. Have a great
night everybody.
Don't forget to tip your waitresses.
See you later.
Terrible person.
Dildo.
I just
You know what a dildo is?
Of course.
It's a pickle bread.
Yep. Yeah, we've
got the pickle bread in the back of the carriage
there. We'll show you.
It's fine. Everybody into the carriage.
We're onto it. We've got another invitation.
Here, Moot. What does this invitation
say? This one
is from a Baron
Von Richten.
And it's the case of the missing
eggnog. Oh, this one
sounds a little boggy.
Here we go.
Seems more seasonal.
And the carriage rides off into the sunset
with the umpah band blaring
in the background. The trees
swaying as
you see in the tree windows
Kermit Von Vomit
being chased around up to the peak
of it. Fades out on
a beautiful sunset behind
our heroes. Riding off
into the distance. Sully leaning over
and telling Glim what
a dildo really is.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, do you think that's like
a side thing that the Cucumber Council
does? Like, is that
what they were?
And scene!
Dumbgeons and Dragons, Season 2,
Episode 135, starring
Amy More as Sully. Carla Max dead
as Glim, Tom Laird as Moot,
and Russ More as your Dungeon Master.
Editing by Russ More. This episode
featured music from Epidemic Sound,
Artlist, and Kavin MacLeod, and sound effects
from Epidemic Sound, Boom Library,
and Sound Ideas. A huge
thank you to our supporting producers.
We hope to see you over there.
Thank you for listening. Have a great week.
We'll talk again soon.
Four!
W! Seven!
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a
Dumb Dragons Production.